I am having a hbac, a home birth after a cesarean. Or at least attempting one. Maybe just a vbac, which would still be a natural vaginal birth, but in a hospital. Why is it so hard for me to just say “I’m having a hbac”? Because with my first pregnancy I was 100% sure I was going to experience a successful, wonderful home birth, and then it didn’t happen. I politely answered all the ” what if something horrible goes wrong” questions with informed answers, because I was informed and educated on home births. What I wasn’t prepared for was having a baby inside me that was too comfortable to come out, and then preeclampsia, an induction to get said baby out, and a baby that was still way too comfortable to come out. I know I have friends reading this rolling their eyes. “Just let the baby come and they will when they’re ready!” I’ve rolled my eyes and said the same many times.

I want so badly to let this baby inside me now stay in for as long as he’d like. Call me crazy (you probably already have) but I think it’d be cool to be one of the few that says I was pregnant for 43 or 44 weeks, as long as baby is completely healthy of course. But, in the back of my mind there is a little part of me saying that I’d be ok if this baby wanted to come anytime after 37 weeks because there is a tiny part of me afraid that my body won’t cooperate again.